These Phrases shared by A Father That Saved Me as a New Father

"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader failure to open up amongst men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a respite - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."